Here’s the thing. I looked at this and immediately saw myself 20-30 years ago. I just didn’t get it. I was a nice guy, never did anyone any wrong and saw jerkoffs getting all the attention, girls, friends and kudos. What was wrong with the world?
I’d had plenty of heart-2-hearts with people along the way and none appeared to answer the question of why I had no/few friends.
Then, one day, like being slapped in the face with a wet kipper someone I knew pointed out a simple fact to me and there it was.
I was a bit older and a bit drunk at a with a friend, who was incredibly popular. He was going away on a golf weekend and wanted to know why I wasn’t going. I said that I didn’t feel like I was part of the ‘clique’ and felt I was only ever really invited to play as an afterthought to make up a foursome. It really pissed me off that geeks like xxxxx and yyyyy would be invited regularly but not me.
He said, “Anotherfuckwit, when have you ever invited me to play golf? I get invites from xxxxx and yyyyy and zzzzz and all of the others and they all make a point of arranging a game and inviting people to play. From there we end up arranging more games and the invited become circular. You’re a great guy, and a lovely fella but you have never once arranged a game of golf and invited anyone to play.”
What a cock I had been. How many years of my life had I wasted waiting for some party invite or phone call that would never come because I’d been sitting like a beggar in a street waiting for handouts. People didn’t invite me because they had no reason to believe I liked them or wanted to be in their company. All people have their own insecurities and very few are going to make an effort to include someone if they feel it won’t be received or reciprocated.
We all want to feel liked. That means the people you want to like you, want to know you to like them first.